Spiritual listening

We are living in times when our society is profoundly divided on many issues.
One of the most frequently asked questions of me, as a pastor, is: “How do I talk to my friends, relatives or loved ones about difficult issues? It seems like every time we speak on subjects like politics or religion, the discussion ends in acrimony, hard feelings and shouting.”
This is my suggestion: Stop talking and start listening to what your friend or relative is saying.
The first principle of humanist religion is every person is a person of inherent worth and dignity. It is, therefore, incumbent upon us to give those folks with whom we disagree an ear, even though he or she may seem like a complete nut job. (You may seem pretty wacko to him or her, too.)
It is my opinion that the only way we are going to heal the political divide in our society is to start talking to each other, and, for those of us who profess to a religion, consider deep listening as a spiritual discipline.
The object of any spiritual discipline is to help us become masters of ourselves so we can better control our passions, and find and remain in a state of communion with the sacred dimension of life. (Different religions have different names for the sacred.)
The practice of “spiritual listening” to another person is difficult. It is not easy to find the reserve to stay silent when your passions are inflamed by what your friend or loved one is saying.
To discipline your mind to rise above the chatter in your head that wants you to speak in rebuttal to ideas that differ from your own can be very rewarding for you and the person to whom you are listening.
It will help you understand the emotions and life experiences in which his or her opinions are rooted. And, it will, almost certainly, make you more sympathetic to him or her as a person and allow you to have a greater appreciation for how difficult it is to think and act as a mature human.
Also, you may discover that you really don’t need to share your opinions at all. More than likely, the person you are talking to already knows your position.
And, you may be surprised. When you really listen to another, the conversation often steers away from religion and politics and veers toward the personal. In this event, you may find old acrimonies turning to feelings of love and respect.
If you choose to give spiritual listening a try, I suggest you Google “active listening” or view some of the very fine “YouTube” and “TED” talks on effective listening and speaking.